I’ve always felt that I don’t belong in the material world, and that it will always shun me no matter what I do.
The older I get, the more I realize the weight of this truth—the material world reigns supreme, and I cannot opt out of it. At least not entirely.
A decade ago, I thought I could opt out as much as I wanted to. All I had to do was make sacrifices and have fewer desires. And I bought into the idea that authenticity matters the most, and material success doesn’t matter at all. I was okay with making the least amount of money amongst my peers and not climbing the corporate ladder.
I was really naïve to think that I could float on by just being content with a very simple life.
But now?
It’s strange how I’ve changed.
Not in the sense that I am more accepting of the material world—more so its continual rejection of me makes me succumb to toxic behaviors like resentment and envy. I really hate that about myself, and I wish I could change it, but sometimes I think maximizing the best aspects of myself will never be enough for anyone.
It’s difficult to be surrounded by people who don’t get you and dismiss your efforts simply because you don’t appeal to them or vibe with them superficially or have the same lifestyle. But I get that I need these people’s approval to be successful in the material world. That’s one of the rules of networking.
My authentic side says I don’t need anyone’s approval to be happy. It’s getting harder to live by that with each passing year. I could do that as a naïve 22-year-old but not now.
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